I've never been this close to a nun before - its all I can think about. She's not wearing that long black outfit, like in the Sound of Music. Just a little conservative number, with one of those veil like things on her head. I'm trying to see how she keeps it on when her eyes pop up from the stack of papers and meet mine. "I'm sure you know why your here." Wow. This is not going to go well.
Its been nearly a week since I walked into an exam room in the ER where I work and found a young male patient masturbating. It seems every move I've made since I opened that door has made a continued downward spiral in the eyes of my Catholic employer. Not that it should matter, but I am not a Catholic. As a former Lutheran, current Agnostic, well on my way to Atheism, I have little knowledge of the Catholic church. Up until today, for instance, I thought all nuns somehow had "Mary" in their name. I have no idea what to call this person. "Why don't you tell me what happened" says not Mary.
He told me he was having an asthma attack. I put him in a respiratory distress room. Lots of tubes, stainless steel, very medical. I went back to the nurses station, paged Respiratory, grabbed a Neb kit and walked back. When I opened the door, he was on the gurney with his pants around his ankles. Here comes my first mistake. I didn't panic, I just asked if he wanted me to come back later. "You didn't ask him to stop his behavior?" I . . (did I?) . . no. Strike one.
Not Mary raised her eyebrows. "Did you return?" No, the nurse manager took over. I told her what happened and she went back to the room with a security guard. The doctor (also female) saw him briefly, decided their was no asthma, and sent him away. He walked passed me at the nurses station on the way out.
"Tell me about the next morning." I was walking to my car, texting on my phone with a friend. "When did you see him in the parking garage?" He said something, Nurse, I think, and I turned around. I was next to my van. My arms were full, I had my cane . . "You didn't shout for help?" I . . (did I?) . . no. Strike two. "And he pushed you?" Yes. "What else?" I closed my eyes. How to describe this to a nun? Talk fast. He shoved me against my van. I swung at him with the cane. He headbutted the side of my face and my belongings scattered. He had his . . penis (can you say penis to a nun?) . . out and ejaculated onto my clothes. He turned and started walking away. Security came through the garage entrance. They took him to the ground.
She is sorry about the attack. Sorry that Security did not question him in the hour that they saw him wandering thru the employee parking area. Sorry that they did not take the attack as seriously as I thought they should have. They will be dealt with; that is all she has to say on that matter. The patient will be held in an appropriate facility until he can be safely released. I will be notified of the release date.
And now, for me. Do I understand the concern my superiors have with my failure to identify the seriousness of the patients initial behavior? My cavalier approach to his inappropriate actions? What if he had attacked an innocent party? The hospital could have been held liable.
At this point, Not Mary leans across the table. She tells me she is sure things have been hard for me since the death of my husband last year. Then she moves in for the kill. Strike three - I never saw it coming. Security found inappropriate photos on my cell phone, lost in the scuffle in the garage. Photos of a man in women's clothing posed provocatively. She has heard that I recently took a vacation, and that I went to see a show which featured the performance of a known sexual deviant. Some of my co-workers have said that I posed for and allowed photos of myself with said sexual deviant to be posted to the Internet. My supervisors wonder if my judgement in these matters has been clouded by my sexual proclivities, whether I might somehow give these patients the "wrong message." For now, I will not be allowed to evaluate psych patients that present to the ER. There is counseling available for employees, for both the attack and the deviant preferences I have developed since my husband's death.
If I were allowed a fourth strike, it would have been the smile which began to spread across my face when I realized what she was talking about. Believe me, it took a minute. My daughter and I recently went to New York City, where we took in our first Broadway play, RACE. We went twice, actually. U.K. actor and comedian Eddie Izzard had a staring role. He also happens to be a transvestite. My friend Philine was with us - she took photos at the stage door of me with Mr. Izzard. She posted them on her Facebook page. My phone background is a photo of Mr. Izzard from Stripped. Show? RACE. Internet? Facebook. Sexual Deviant? Eddie Izzard. Wow again.
I would like to say that I flew off in an indignant rage - I did not. I wish I could tell you I hired a lawyer and sued them for millions - also, no. I have no shame in my behavior with this patient. I am the kind one, the soft touch. All my co-workers will tell you the same. I thought he was harmless, and I was wrong. I am not ashamed of my fanship of Eddie Izzard. I found him to be a kind man and a charitable individual. Not Mary missed the part where his "friendship" stopped me from acting on the suicidal thoughts I had after my husband's death. His Twitter feed introduced me to a whole new group of friends who keep me sane and moving forward. My daughter and I lugged an Amish quilt thru the airports of the Midwest to New York City and gave it to him as a thank you gift. I don't find his preferences (or mine) any more sexually deviant than professing to be married to a deity.
Before you judge my lack of action, let me tell you a few more facts - there are 4 hospitals within 150 miles of my home. My current employer owns 3 of them. I am now the widowed mother of two, three with the grandson my teen son produced and is raising alone. If we struggled before, we are drowning now. I have been the butt of more jokes in the last week than I care to hear, but I haven't missed a day of work. I show up with my chin up, and I still treat every patient the same way. I know I want out of this job, and I will admit I drove home after a particularly gruesome night with Let the Cables Sleep by Bush on repeat on the DVD player, crying my head off in self-pity. But my kids are proud of me. They didn't "get to me." I won't change the way I practice medicine, and I have two new beautiful portraits of Mr. Izzard taken by Philine on my wall. And yes, hes wearing makeup. I envy his application of eyeliner. And I did get in one "give it to the man (or nun)." I refused to sign the incident report. I'm proud of it. And I indicated (quite rudely) that no counseling was required. I believe the phrase was "Fuck you."
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I'm proud of you, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd people wonder why I am a Humanist! You are a wonderful Mom/Grandma, and have every reason to be proud of yourself. As for Eddie - What wonderful friends he has brought us! I will refrain from stating my opinion of sexual deviants/the holy church.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so, so, so, SO sorry this happened to you - or to ANYBODY! In this day and age, how can anyone be unaware of the pathology called Blaming the Victim -- especially when it's a matter of sexaul assault? Not to mention the stomach-turning irony of the Catholic Church accusing anyone of ANYTHING in the realm of sexuality? And doubly, to make the assumption that any form of "deviance" is automatically immoral?
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming there are many others like me who wish you would come down full-force on this ignorant bullying, whether through the media or through legal channels. But I can also understand how either of those options could, by extending the stress on YOU for an even longer period, just be re-victimizing the victim.
If the hospital continues to spout such nonsense as holding you responsible for endangering other patients, I'd ask why there's not training for employees giving specific actions they are to take in such situations. Why do they feel it endangers a patient, but not you. THEY endangered YOU, an employee. There are whole areas of law dating back to renaissance England about protective relationships, and your employer betrayed yours. THAT IS ILLEGAL.
In my jurisdiction, it is also illegal for police to look on people's cell phones for information. Is the hospital responsible for training security in proper procedures?
Does she consider women who wear pants to be sexual deviants, and would she be willing to represent the church in court on that issue?
And on and on and on. I think what you encountered there was a nazi nun... some people are genetically (I'm serious) prone to fascist, blaming, passive aggressive behavior. For me, at least, they're the hardest kind of people to run up against.
You know those 1950's wind-up toys made of thin, painted sheet metal? A variety store near me used to sell a contemporary one called "Attila the Nun." Man, did she have a mean face. You wound her up, she took robot-steps, and her eyes flashed, they literally sparked.
Oh, you could ask her if the reason nuns profess marriage to a diety rather than say, a priest, is because the latter are all into little boys?
When I was in college long ago, I also encountered a sexual predator (not a rapist, just a wierdo) working as a piano tuner for the school. I too used the soft touch and didn't say anything. Later, I regretted that. But at the time I chose "live and let live," at least a naive version of that. So tell you what, if you don't feel like fighting, and I don't blame you if you don't, just give that Nun and everybody on the whole effing board of directors of the hospital my phone number. I'd be glad to speak with every single one of them. Just let them know I'll be recording the conversations for the subsequent media articles about the situation.
Reality of it is that the longer we work in the ER area, the more chance we have of coming into situations such as this. I have also had a few similar experiences. The other reality of it is that our 'Catholic' employers only see a narrow path through 'rose colored glasses' --the tighter one hangs onto religion the more steadfast they become in their views. You were right to NOT sign the I/R....I would not have either.
ReplyDeleteB R A V O !! for going in everyday chin up! YOU did NOTHING WRONG!!! -- Good Luck, and I know the resolution of the job will come when you least expect it!
Hi Sweets,
ReplyDeleteI am VERY proud of you and we've never met. If I were faced with the same thing, I would have reacted as you did. You are one strong chick. :o) I cannot believe they felt it necessary to look through your phone. That in itself is against the law and makes me want to punch the nun. I do not like Catholicism. I was raised a Christian now Spiritualist. I look at God through the eyes of a hippy. ;o) Religion ruins true spirituality. It divides. It does not unite. (Sorry tangent rant).
I am so sorry for your loss. You are a very resilient woman and I am proud to "know" you even if only through Twitter. Who knows? Maybe one day we'll meet face to face.
As for Eddie Izzard, I am very protective of him and I find her calling him a "sexual deviant" infuriating. While I loathe the word fan, I am very fond of him and believe him to be a very sweet, generous and charismatic person.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I don't know who to be more upset with the attacker or the nun. I find them equally offensive. I'd like to use my stun baton on both.
You're awesome! (and I don't mean hot dog awesome. LOL Eddie joke.)
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ReplyDelete"Persecuted" for being an Izzard fan? I'm sorry this happened to you, but it looks more like you were minorly reprimanded for questionable judgement and negligence (anyone who is masturbating in a public place is obviously very disturbed, could be dangerous and needs psychiatric assistance) in the workplace and the fact that someone found strange photos (most people find a man in drag strange) on a cell phone in a parking garage (if they hadn't looked through it, how could they have returned it to its owner?) was one of many minor details of the situation.
ReplyDeleteWhat an awful experience for you, it's terrible!
ReplyDeleteA couple of things spring to mind. First is that your employer should pay for your counseling after the assault; they were negligent for allowing your attacker into employee areas. Second is that their private security had no right to invade your privacy by going through the photos on your phone. They knew it had to belong to you from the circumstances. These plus the way the nun treated you means you have a very good case for a lawsuit.
Having said that, Evil Nun does make at least one valid point, but it's not the one she thinks it is. When you walk into an exam room to find a man masturbating, the appropriate response is not, "are you done?" From the passive and disassociated way you describe everything that happened (and the circumstances of your life at the moment) it reads from this end like you are clinically depressed. Which wouldn't be surprising.
Please seek professional help for this if you have not already. I would suggest you take advantage of your employer's offer, but choose the counselor yourself. The poster above me is correct, you're focusing on the wrong things here. You should be more worried about the guy who was clearly stalking you than somebody (who doesn't know him) insulting Eddie; he can take care of himself and would doubtless want you to do the same.
Take care, sweetie.
You are brave woman. You are a good woman. And the self-righteous judgmental nun is neither of these things. Period. She is as much a bully/predator as the young man who attacked you in the parking facility. Unfortunately, there are no laws which govern those who seek to belittle and control others with their medieval dogmatic insanity. If I were in the same room with you I'd give a big hug. Hang in there. And maybe consider dusting off the old resume. You never know, maybe there’s an Eddie Izzard fan working in the Human Resources department of some hospital who will read this and decide to offer you a change of venue. Barring that, at least you will be prepared to hit the ground running if you decide you can’t take the culture at that place anymore. And don’t forget to bring your jazz chicken with you to the new job. ;-)
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